Why is it so hard for a 13 year old to find someone to play with?


Ok, I am not one to vent about things on my blog, but the day has come! My son, SportTman is 13, he is not into “going out” with girls yet, he does not spend endless hours on the computer “I-M ing” his friends, he only has a Play Station 1, so it’s not a big draw for him, he does not want to “chill” with his friends………he just wants to play in the woods or shoot hoops, throw baseball, or play any sport with a friend. But here is the problem, his friends simply do not want to play anymore! They are to busy “chillin” with the girls, using the computer, talking on their cell phone to their girlfriends or sending text messages etc.

Hubby and I are both public school teachers and our kids have always gone to public school, I notice that many of these kids simply grow up too soon! SportTman has many close friends from church, so we are thankful for those dear friends.

I have always been such an advocate of kids having time to play. They have their entire life to be a grown-up, but only about 10 short, precious years to play. So why rush them into adulthood? Why can’t my 13 year old just enjoy being a kid…..why do people constantly ask him if he has a girlfriend yet? Does he like to go to the movies with friends? Does he want to go to the middle school dance? He has said no to all of those questions simply because he just isn’t interested. I happen to think that is a good thing, but it appears to be few parents these days that agree with me.

But for now, I am thankful that he is comfortable and confident in his decision and actions and quite content in this stage of life……….he just wishes he had some one to play with. And as his mom, so do I.


  1. Amen sister! My boy spends way too much time on the computer because there just isn’t hasn’t been much of anyone to play with. And I too, get tired of the assumption that kids in middle school and early high school will be interested in the boy/girl scene. Let them be kids!

  2. Although my children are only 4 and 3 I can completely understand. I am both a Christian and a public school teacher. Technology seems to have taken over childhood. My best suggestions would be to get him involved in activities outside of public school. Although they might not be ‘play’ time, it will introduce him to other children who are interested in things other then the computer, video games and texting, etc. Then he might just find a new group of friends to play with. Good luck. And thank you for parenting your child.

  3. Just stumbled upon this post. As a 13 year old girl in the 1980s, I remember playing with my next door neighbor of the same age. We played all sorts of things at least until we were 14, but we never let anyone else our age know that we still liked to play. I have many fond memories of those years, as I had only moved to the neighborhood when I was 12. As a mom of two little boys, it saddens me to think that my oldest who is just 4 1/2, should have such little precious time in life to play. Let them be kids. I hope your boy does find a good friend to play with!

  4. Sandy,

    I can so feel you on this one! I came over to agree with you about God’s sense of humor (about the Watch Your Mouth post I did on Sunday), and ended up agreeing with you on this post myself. As a mom of two boys, now 12 and 14, I have found that not only am I fighting a spiritual battle for them, but I am battling the elements of their peer group. Their friends have girlfriends, go to boy/girl parties unsupervised, why can’t they…well, that’s just not how “we roll” here.

    I am so thankful too for their friends from church, but even they have “girlfriends” and want to “test the limits”. Why are they in such a hurry to grow up??? My heart aches for them…they will NEVER have these years back. I told them both that for now, they are not old enough to handle their own stuff AND a girl’s stuff. Just too many emotions and junk that goes into all that. (Did any of that make sense?)

    I think I need some coffee and chocolate!

    Thanks Sandy for a great post!

  5. Hi, Sandy,

    Fire feels the same way. He does play video games and IM his friends, but he often complains that no one wants to play basketball or soccer anymore.

  6. I totally agree with you guys! Kids need to be kids! It irks me to see children even younger than yours dressed in adult styled clothing as well. I want my little girl to look 7, not like a teenager in a mini skirt and high heeled sandals or pants that have CUTE on the bum. he..he… While I know that it is frustrating for him and you (for him) I’d be grateful that he’s not wanting to do all that other stuff yet. Ugh… I dread the day we have to go through the teen stuff…

  7. I so much agree with you. I also teach in a public school and before that, a private one (non Christian). It was the same in both settings. Kids are growing up way too fast and I think it is mainly due to technology and the media. My 14 year old is still not into boys nor are many of her close friends, especially the Christian ones from youth group.
    My 9 year old is hard to shop for because so many of the cute trendy clothes look like they belong on a 17 year old! ARGH….we need to be praying and use wisdom in raising children today. My oldest does “play” with her friends meaning they hang out, but it always seems like they have those I-pods in their ears!
    I actually “make” my kids to physically active things when HW is done and the weather is decent. It is hard though when technology/computers/Im-ing beckons.

  8. Some girl will appreciate him greatly someday. I have a friend that has a son a lot like him. He is really a good looking kid and mature but not into girls yet. His mom says he is keeping her sane for now. It is a good thing. There are other boys out there like him at his age and they are the ones adults wish there kids were still like.

  9. My wonderful son, who is now 16, faced the same issues with some additional baggage (we’d just made an international move) at 13. I don’t know if you’re looking for advice or answers but here are a couple of ideas that helped him. Younger kids, he was just basically a late bloomer and felt more comfortable with kids who were just a bit younger, 11-12 rather than those who were starting to feel hormonally charged. The other biggie was Boy Scouts. Particularly a troop that stresses camping/hiking activities. The absolute best way to find boys with similar interests, possibly even better than church since most of the boys in our troop tended to be Christian kids also albeit from a variety of different denominations. This is my first time to read your blog and the first time I’ve posted so I’ll probably keep reading and find you saying exactly what I just wrote about!

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