That is the question I hear everywhere I go.
And I often answer, “I don’t know.”
People also ask how last week went, Curt’s first official week being home. To that I respond with one word….”weird.”
It’s all so weird and I don’t knowish…….I know I am not really saying a lot here….but that is the point!
This is all so different, new and surreal at times.
I am the type of person who carries a flashlight, a tape measure, a pocketknife, and clorox wipes in my purse with me. I am always prepared for everything, I plan for things, I think ahead…..BUT having a husband who has Alzheimer’s at age 46 is NOT something I ever planned for, or ever prepared for. That is why I think I respond with I don’t know.
I think overall I am handling all of this well, I have come to ACCEPT this diagnosis. I don’t like it, I don’t understand why it is happening to us….BUT it is what we are dealing with and I refuse to confront it with a negative attitude. But, I have such a mix of emotions that I just don’t know how I am doing….and I think at this point that is pretty normal.
This song by Chris Tomlin keeps coming to mind. And I think it speaks so much of what I am feeling.
“
There is a PEACE I have come to know….
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There’s an anchor for my soul
I can say “It is well”
Those words seem to be the cry of my heart lately. I am not prepared for this journey we are on….but amidst such difficulties I am amazed at the PEACE I have come to know!! God has truly granted me that peace during the storm of this life, I don’t know how I am doing, but I do know I can stand strong each morning knowing God is with me and granting me peace during my storm!
For those who were wondering, Curt had a busy first week at home, lots of friends called to do things with him. It helped to make a difficult week for him better with so many so dear friends checking in on him. We all dealt with such a range of emotions last week, sometimes they would hit me out of nowhere! But we do cherish your prayers.
I plan to write more this week about how we first started to notice some changes in Curt. So many of you have asked.
Jesus and Dark Chocolate 
I can’t imagine that anyone is ever prepared for what you are experiencing. But I am amazed at the way you are handling it. I pray God continues to give you grace for each day.
I think “I don’t know” is probably the perfect answer to give.
I am SO like you in wanting to be as prepared as possible for whatever lies ahead, so it’s probably odd for me to have this thought as I was reading your post about not preparing for this: You HAVE been preparing. You just didn’t know it at the time. God has been preparing you all along for just this thing. He’s been equipping you with friends and family and a faith in him so that you will get through this in a way that will bring Him glory, even though you may think you are “winging it.”
You couldn’t have planned ahead for all the details of this, but your diligent faith in the Father through the years has equipped you well for these challenging times you are in now.
I am so blessed by your honesty and attitude, Sandy.
Much praying,
Lisa
I totally have the planning disease as well! I think it’s part of needing to be in control. I agree with others that “I don’t know” is a perfectly legitimate and authentic response.
I, too, had wondered how this started; looking forward to reading about it. (Well, “looking forward” seems rather insensitive! You know what I mean, I hope!)
Hugs to you.
Hi Sandy, I find it interesting that you are writing about peace amidst this current struggle. I had it on my heart to post about peace as a devotional and just haven’t yet…and then I read this! AMAZING song by Chris Tomlin, isn’t it?? I had it on my list for awhile….the lyrics are just so true…..I still pray for you all and hope you have a good week….will check back here to read more of your posts…..I have a feeling the Lord is gonna use you mightily somehow, some way, thru this ordeal….keep looking up!!
Hugs to you
It’s ok to respond with “I don’t know” its the gut honest truth and I admire you for saying it and not trying sugar coat how you feel. The song is one of my favorites. You focus on having a positive out look just shows your faith in God and he will give you the strength you will require in the days ahead.
Keep us updated so we can continue to pray for you and your family.
Your determination to remain positive is a real testimony of your faith in the Lord and His care for Curt and your family. Continuing to pray for you all!
That’s my girl! 🙂 ILY
I have been praying for your family and I think about you often since that FFF post in which I discovered your news. You all are frequently on my mind and so I’m going to subscribe right now while I’m thinking about it so that I can keep up and continue to pray as you are traveling this unknown path!